and the downside of it

Photo by Daniil Silantev on Unsplash

SOOO, this is a love letter as much as it is a rant. Since August 2023 I’ve been solo travelling and it’s what I really love doing. It’s the best decision I ever made — to finally listen to my heart and follow my dreams. Especially having deepened my appreciation to be able to do this in my early 20s despite not having a stable job, I feel like I really should enjoy this.

Well, solo travelling for me has been about getting out of my comfort zone, meeting strangers and watch them grow into friends, meeting my demons and becoming friends with them. It’s about indulging in a new culture and learning all that I can from it. I just love travelling for the sake of learning.Really I’ve deepened my knowledge about myself and studied different cultures and people to put all this into perspective with who I want to be.

And who I want to be is this adventurous, strong, fearless woman that is being admired for who she is. STOP. Admiration doesn’t fill in the hole of self love that apparently still needs stitching. And fearless means you are never scared, but to grow you should be scared of your dreams to overcome the hurdle and look back with a huge grin.

On the one hand side I might be that woman but there’s this whole other side. The growing part. The part, that only if mastered correctly, will put me into the position of being that woman. And that’s the fucking hard part. It’s all about learning why I behave in a certain way in specific situations, spending time alone without looking for connections. It’s the days I spend questioning my deepest belief systems, trying to make sense of why I’m doubting myself. I understand that love can only be born inside and with compassion and empathy for my own soul, I’m convinced I will get there. That one day I will be truly free. That one day I will be truly me.